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BEWARE THE BANDERSNATCH, THE JABBERWOCK, AND THE PATTAYA MARRIAGE TRAP

 

'Love-making’ takes place without the slightest vestige of ‘love’ being present, even though it may emerge later on. It usually begins with infatuation but infatuation is a potential killer of marriages for when this ephemeral emotion becomes a total obsession with another person it often obscures the present incompatibility and immaturity. A sound and lasting marriage between Thai and falang can only be successfully built by the conscious effort of both partners in full realization that their marital relationship will be buffeted and reshaped by changes within themselves as much as from without, resulting from age difference, achievements, lifestyle, finance and chance. 
 
To become good companions they must be able to communicate with each other. Most Pattaya marriages based on an initially powerful physical attraction and infatuation alone are likely to crash on the rocks of incompatibility sooner rather than later and all Thai girls should be told beforehand that a happy relationship has to be a lot more than just a one directional stream of falang money and beneficence otherwise its beset with problems like barnacle encrustations on a ships bottom. I am aware that it is not true of all such marriages but most husband-seeking girls in Pattaya are looking for financial security rather than love and will marry to achieve that end; and, if you think about it, most women in countries all around the world have that same hidden agenda even though they will deny it. 
 
How many women, when entering upon a marriage, have anything by way of wealth or possessions to bring or contribute to it? Sex is the only currency that they have (and effectively barter with) but the older they get the sooner it depreciates which is why they are always in a hurry to Til alter him’ with ‘Aisle, Altar, Hymn’. With US and UK divorce rates running at almost 50% most of those parasite divorcees will walk away with more than half of their ex-husbands estate (laughing all the way to the bank) and be followed by years of crippling alimony payments, which is about as sensible and satisfying as buying fresh oatmeal for a dead horse - forever! 
 
What men learn from social history is that men learn nothing from social history! Nearly all beer-bar girls will approach a falang marriage with an open hand rather than an open heart bringing to it all the demands of a needy family she will expect him to support also. Many a falang will enter into a second or third marriage mistily optical yet still optimistically believing in the triumph of hope over experience. (When all he really wanted was a housekeeper she ended up by keeping his house). For centuries marriage was a sexual agreement made between two people for all sorts of reasons: a farmer needed a dairymaid, an impoverished woman needed support: two land-owning families needed to consolidate: profitable business mergers: maintaining blood lines. 
 
pattaya marriage trapThese people did a deal, and in such a marriage of convenience, sex, land and security were all part of the exchange; and such relationships were often more successful than most modern marriages that are based on subjective feelings. Some rabid feminists might say this bartering of their sex was calculated cynicism! The physical pull for a pretty young ying (and most of them are) can be so strong that even the most realistic minded falang can have his judgement impaired and wilfully overlook considerations which may militate against the probability of a happy marriage. He may subconsciously realize that the ying with whom he has now fallen madly in love with will not provide the companionship he needs, or be the mother he desires for his future children. His girl may know that this man with whom her future now seems inescapably entwined could be unacceptable to her relations in her home village (were it not for his money) but she will issue insistent reassurances that she will take good care of him, be a good mother, satisfy his sexual requirements and change her bar-girl personality but in real life it seldom happens this way — so how can he prevent mistakes happening? Sociologists, psychologists., and journalists can. write^ discuss, give advice,, and talk until they are blue in the face, can recognize the problem, analyze it, suggest solutions, compare the romantic and the rational but as lovers they will still deceive each other and themselves into a marriage that is based solely on sexual attraction. 
 
Even though friends may tell him he is making a mistake by following his heart rather than his head he is not going to want to listen to or believe them, especially when there is that strong sexual pull because she has such good looks, a lithe body, and is happy to have as much unlimited sex as his Viagra pills can muster — for the time being! Having been on more laps than a table napkin many a bar-girl is desperate to marry and will ruthlessly trap an available falang knowing quite well that he is by no means an ideal choice of partner for her, but it’s her only avenue of escape from the Pattaya ‘poke-her’ game where every loser wins as every sexual encounter benefits both parties.
 
 Often a bar-girl’s true personality is deliberately submerged in their ferly attempt to ensnare a mate by putting their relationship on an inflammatory sexual basis that will certainly cloud his judgement as unsuspecting victim. Whether consciously or unconsciously the marriage trap is baited by sex and many of these ‘nymphs’ will pretend a greater interest in the sexual aspect than they actually possess, and, once their physical attraction has succeeded and they have married, they will resort to the excuses of fatigue, headache, PMT, etc. which is why so many married falangs go back to consorting with other  available and willing bar-girls.
 
Do bear in mind that 1 am not condemning this overwhelming impulse by Thai girls to trade a finite sexual career for a marriage of fiscal convenience and security as I genuinely believe American women do exactly the same with even greater catastrophic outcomes to hapless husbands for whom alimony is the screwing they get for the screwing they got!
 
Time is one of the best safeguards against being trapped into marriage’, time to get to know each other thoroughly; time to see if and how the relationship develops and then, time to prepare for marriage itself, as research shows most hasty marriages end in disaster. Even the very idea of marriage (the lure) can be a trap in itself! It takes time to get to really know another person well enough to be able to judge, and be judged, as a possible companion for life; sufficient time to see how much give and take there is, where there are differences of opinion or attitudes, past history, tolerance of each others religion, to anticipate what adjustments may be required for mutual compatibility.
 
That said, more often than not physical attraction is a risk rather than a trap. When it is strongly felt no one can be quite certain how much influence it is having on thought and decisions anymore than they know how strongly it may continue through the years. That is why the most long-lasting and happiest marriages are those in which partnerships are based not only on sexual attraction but also on mutual respect, appreciation, understanding, affection, and companionship, which when combined together, g& to make enduring love. So remember, keep your eyes fully open before marriage and half-closed thereafter; and then it’s up to you to see whether the bluebird of happiness either sits or shits upon your shoulder.