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Dear Glanny Glipe
Please help me leo leo, I have big ploblem! Soon soon I
mally with Farang man who I think before very good, now he show me photo of what
he wear for wedding and I not believe what I see. He want to mally in dress
because he say where he come from, up north in country all man wear dress. I
know some man from Udon also wear dress, but not all?? My family see photo and
now all laugh me that I mally Katoey. He velly old and smell bad, but I love
mark because he velly rich. Please help me Glanny, I only 18 and have need for
strong man too.
Noi
Lassie,
Many Farang are crazy, but rest assured that your man is
100% normal, if a bit old and smelly as you say. There is a country, north of
what once was a wall, where men like to dress in a skirt, it is part of their
tradition. If your man likes whisky but not to pay for it, the chances are good
that he comes from Scotland, a fierce warring nation made up of real men. Buy a
copy of a movie called Braveheart and all your fears will vanish. Otherwise, ask
if you can toss his caber, and I’m sure you will find out what sort of a man he
really is. A last word of advice, don’t expect to retire early!
Granny
Dear Granny
I took my boyfriend home to meet Mama and Papa and
he give me big headache. We stay together long time now (2 week tomorrow) and he
say he love me lots. First night I hear younger sister making big noise and when
I go see, I find boyfriend in bed with her. I so angry I hit him on head with
Chang bottle. Doctor say he maybe come out of coma next month, but I not want to
see him again. We tell police he do to himself. Did I do right?
Angry Ah
Tut, tut , tut.You ungrateful selfish young girl! Do you
not realize that you have exceeded the normal use by date by almost 13 days
compared to other ladies? Do you also not realize that your man was being
extremely considerate by not going behind your back with a stranger, but keeping
it in the family so that you could all benefit from younger sisters windfall.
Stay by his side and should he come out of his coma, he will most likely be very
docile and probably drool a lot. You will then be in charge of all his
financial matters. Wake up girl! By the way, stick to your story with the
police. Stranger things have been reported.
Granny
Dear Granny
I am writing to you because I so happy, but also have small
worry. The good news is I am going to be a big movie star! My boyfriend tell me
many people will watch my DVD he make of me. My problem is I not see DVD yet
because the coke he give me taste funny and I not remember many thing. But I
believe when he say I will be big Porn Star. Funny thing is I tell him many time
my name Porn Wissasalot. Maybe Star my new movie name, I like sound of it. My
second problem is I cannot get hold of my boyfriend for the last 3 days, I want
to sign contract he promise.
Porn
Dear, dear little Porn
Hang around a computer for a few days, and I’m sure you
will see your name in lights. After that it might be wise to have a few more of
the cokes he left you, I think you’ll need them
Granny
Dear Granny Gripe
My family’s problem is rather unusual. Our faithful water
buffalo of many years suddenly started to act very strangely, he kept falling
over, and we presumed he had got hold of Papa’s homemade Lao Khaow. The local
vet came to see him and said something about him having a spongy brain and that
we would have to destroy him and the rest of the herd. Papa eventually managed
to buy the man’s silence with 500 Baht. We should have saved the money, as they
all died shortly afterwards. We however gained a lot of face in the village as
there was a buffalo BBQ for the next 10 straight nights running. The problem is
that our whole family, and the rest of the village too for that matter, are all
starting to act strangely as well. Will we also have to be destroyed?
Bah Da
Dear Bah Da
My, my you people have got into a bit of a pickle. What you
all have contracted is Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (BSE). However never
fear when Granny is near, I suggest you load up the entire village and head down
the coast to Pattaya, as you see, BSE is also known as Mad Cow Disease and there
are plenty in Pattaya, so you should go unnoticed!
Granny
P.S. Bye-bye Love. |
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