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Sub-titled Cross-culture relationship deals in Thailand, the cover of Love Entrepreneurs, a 296-page tome (Monsoon Books, Singapore) features a shaven-headed foreign male facing away while an Asian girl is hugging him and staring at the camera lens while picking her man’s pocket of whatever moolah she can get her mitts on. Is this cover pic an indication of the direction of the content inside? Not totally, but it’s not far off.

Author Phil Nicks, an expatriate Britisher, has divided the book into three parts: Opportunities & Ideals; Risk Management & Paperwork; Emerging Markets. Rather than a book about relationships and human emotions, the three parts sound more like a self-help publication for corporate warriors and rogue share traders.

There’s a chapter entitled ‘Love Contracts’ in which the author kicks off by writing ‘Harmonious relationships often depend upon negotiated contractual agreements between the couple and subsequent monitoring, review and revision of the terms of agreement.’ The chapter continues with advice on ‘How to Establish a Love Contract’, ‘Types of Contract’ (this includes something he terms PAYG, or Pay-As-You-Go. We all know it better as short-time), ‘Relationship Contracts’, and ‘Breach of Contract’. As I wrote earlier, it seems more like a book for budding market traders. Only in this case it’s designed to boil down all the twists, turns, and foibles of human relations to some kind of contractual deal.
Much of the advice given in this book could be applied to any relationship between couples of the same nationality and heritage. For example: ‘If you are subjected to the silent Treatment, don’t panic and don’t fall into the trap of trying to guess her problem.’ I once had a relationship with a fellow Australian lady where the ‘silent Treatment’ was a regular occurrence.

There are so-called ‘case studies’ scattered throughout the book. There’s a great joke that starts with a man meeting a beautiful woman and asking her if she would have sex with him if he gave her 500,000 baht. She says ‘yes’. Then he asks if she would do it for 100,000 baht. She says ‘yes’. Then he asks if she would let him jump her bones for 1,000 baht. “What kind of woman do you think I am? A prostitute?” He replies, “Yes, we’ve established that you are; I’m just trying to find out for how much.” In a case study in Nicks’ book he claims a Mick Andrews sent an email to a good-looking Thai woman he met on-line with a similar set of proposals. Her replies, from ‘yes’ to indignation, sound way too much like the joke related above.

The bar scene comes in for the usual bashing. For example, we have some narcissistic twit named Jayson whose comment, posted on a popular website, noted, ‘I’ve noticed that it’s almost pointless to be a good-looking farang guy in Thailand, because you’re going to have access to the same pool of women as that obese, hairy, smelly, fifty-five-year-old bald guy sitting at the end of the bar…’ I think Jayson is upset because the bargirls wouldn’t let him screw them for no money, and that’s probably more due to his attitude than looks.
Then there are some classic pieces of complete rubbish. A chapter about foreign women dating Thai men includes a story about an American woman who claimed ‘Thais are not into oral sex…Thai girls don’t like to give oral sex but the men don’t want it either…’ Having dated a number of Thai females who have not worked in the bar scene, as well as having plenty of action of the pay-for-play variety, I can say a majority of the ladies involved have been right into the oral sex caper. Equally, I know a few Thai males who work in the media industry who have wives and girlfriends and talk about the joys of oral stimulation.

‘Every foreign man who wants a long term commitment from a Thai lady should expect to pay for the privilege.’ That’s the opening sentence of the chapter entitled ‘The Real Cost of Love’. Take away the words ‘foreign’ and ‘Thai’ and what do we have: the reality of most relationships across the planet. Yet this book seems to think Thailand and its people are living in some parallel universe. The fifth President of the United States, James Monroe (1758-1831), was in serious financial difficulty when he died because his snobbish wife and two daughters spent his money so freely. None had ever been to Thailand.The upshot is much of the book is really aimed at anyone becoming involved with professional bargirls, be they freelancers or employed in bars.
The best piece of advice is contained in the

chapter ‘Protect Your Assets!’ Nicks writes, ‘The first basic rule is to split your wealth…between ‘home’ and ‘away’. Decide how much you are willing to risk in Asia, transfer that amount, and don’t expect to repatriate it in future.’ Couldn’t agree more.

Quite frankly, while Love Entrepreneurs is nicely laid-out and printed, there are better books about the general Thai-foreign cross-cultural relationship scene available. This one is far too cynical and business-based for my personal tastes, and I think it is wrong in so many areas. My personal recommendation is Thailand Fever, written in both English and Thai; it is streets ahead of Love Entrepreneurs.

Rating: 2/5